My Existence isn't up for debate.

I feel a desperate need to stay in places where my existence isn’t up for debate.

Lately, those places are getting fewer and fewer.

With every news piece and every antisemitic opinion offered…

With every fresh wall of graffiti, whether in op-eds or on Jewish cars…

With every video of Jews being ber*ted, att*cked, prot*sted, or pushed out…

I find myself backing deeper into my own world.

I now understand the concept of the shtetl - the safety of it, the comfort of being surrounded by people who see you as kin instead of foe. Protection in numbers. Shared values. The right to live in alignment with your community’s intentions.

It’s becoming emotionally dangerous out there - not just physical fear, but the uncertainty of looking into the eyes of people I’ve known for years and wondering:

Have they been exposed to vir*lent h*tred about me and my people?

Have they absorbed it?

Would they say it to my face?

I used to think of myself as a citizen of the world - someone who cared for the well-being of other peoples, just as they cared for mine. I believed in mutual safety, mutual advocacy, shared hope for peaceful coexistence.

Now, I rarely encounter that.

As an Israeli, there’s a glaring asterisk next to my personhood.

As a Jew, my worth is weighed on scales built from false narratives and twisted perspectives.

Our humanity is negated.

Our history is erased.

Our rights are conditional.

And so, I feel myself closing up.

It’s harder to engage with differing opinions because they so often turn h*teful, loud, and shaming.

I feel gaslit by the world.

I am tired.

I don’t live in a shtetl.

But I do live in a Jewish country - imperfect, complex, both a headache and a blessing.

Here, I am surrounded by people who understand, even when they disagree.

Yet even this circle feels smaller and more fractured by the day.

And that… makes me so unbearably sad.

We are so profoundly, intentionally misunderstood.